Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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