your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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