i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Randomize