her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
be right there i have to get my cape
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
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