just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
