oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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