Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
