She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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