I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
