his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
