Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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