If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
a search helicopter?!
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize