I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Liz is crying about burritos again.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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