Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
