this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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