I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
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