My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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