I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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