I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
