I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
operation harelip BJ is a go
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
