white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
