It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
