Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
she told me i tasted like america
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
