I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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