Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Randomize
