I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Randomize
