i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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