u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
