Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
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