I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
