just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
