If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
