wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
