NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
