Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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