I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
