dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
