I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
