when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
