I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Terrible idea I love it
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Dear god my vagina.
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