is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
