Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
