I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
