he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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