She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Randomize