Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
