Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Randomize
