god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Randomize
