Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Randomize
