His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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