im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
