oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
