4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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