I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
