so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
