We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
