So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
