You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
