i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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