that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
