I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
