I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
