you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
