you guys were way drunker than both of me
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
