He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Naked Twister starts at high noon
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
