I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
