I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
