do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
