I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
