That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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