How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
