I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
